the never ending frustration of immaturity and dating a younger man

i love the bf, i do….

i want him to be ok in life, and i want him to be happy.

what i don’t want, and what i despise is when we’re playing, how he takes everything just that one step further…. and my apparent feeling to teach him a lesson… how both of our defense mechanisms kick in.

i playfully hit him, or “gibbs slap” him (on the arm, thigh, head, whatever), and he does it back… but i do it back… then he hits me harder… or three or four times… it’s all in good fun… until someone loses an eye (remember that adage?).

his tendency to lie to cover a mistake… welllll, usually i catch him in it and we laugh about it… but why lie? he knows i’m going to catch him.

how he always feels the need to have the last word, or argue with me… or if i say something, he shoots venom in response… (ie, earlier i told him to take a shower, i could smell him from here, and he said, “like you’re one to talk”…. i shower everyday, and know when i stink!… he, on the other hand could care less…. young’uns!).

and i can recognize this behavior because i used to do all of the same fucking things!! and i used to think i had grown out of it! but i find that i’m slipping back into them around him… he even called me a 99% grouch (his words!) this morning because i don’t know how to have fun. trying to defend myself, i told him it was me being mature, and i was only 95% grouch… haha.

but it’s definitely very frustrating when it comes down to it.

and i’m not completely innocent in this… when we’re wrestling, play-fighting, i can get a little rough, myself. i know this, though. at that point, i know it’s time to stop. know why? because i know that the reason i’m hitting harder than i should be, or need to be, is because i am subconsciously taking it out on him.

taking out the job stuff, the money stuff, the relationship stuff, the court stuff…. everything.

and not all of it’s necessarily his fault, therefore, i should not be punishing him for it.

i’m just glad i’m smart enough… and healthy enough, to realize this.

so, ladies… a word of advice… if you want to date a younger man… make sure he’s fully, emotionally and mentally ready for it… !

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is it ok when bad things happen to bad people?

so the neighbors of the bf’s parent’s house burned down while they were on vacation… what a terrible time of year for this to happen, while they’re out of town to boot.

the bf said, “it’s ok though, they were jerks.”

of course, he didn’t mean it was ok because they lost all their stuff or anything like that… it was more of the “karma’s a bitch” type of statement. but it got me thinking nonetheless.

we all know it’s awful when bad things happen to good people, but is it awful when bad things happen to bad people too?

i know i want something terrible to happen to the man that abused me… but i didn’t know these people, and they didn’t do anything to me, personally.

however, it raises that interesting question.

why bad things happen to anybody at all is beyond me.

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