i have no doubt that i love my boyfriend. i obviously care for him a lot or i wouldn’t try to take care of him as hard as i do.
then there are the dreams. where he cheats on me, blatantly to my face- and i sometimes get back at him by cheating also. but sometimes i’m the one with somebody else.
my good roommate says it may just signify an inner battle… which makes sense. i am always doubting and second guessing my feelings and my relationship- when i got to a point where i wasn’t, i got scared and started the process over. especially when i have these dreams. if i’m feeling so worried he would cheat, or i would cheat, or that i don’t belong with him, does that mean something’s wrong? does that mean i need to take a step back to gain some perspective?
or is it his immaturity (which he’s grown a LOT over the course of this blog)? do i just feel comfortable here? because he loves and accepts me the way i am, and i worry that other men won’t?
is it love if you feel safe? or is it fear? maybe a mixture?
am i starting to worry about what i might lose or regret without thinking what i have in front of me?
Sometimes we idealize someone it filters out the bad things. Sometimes when a person is loved and they aren’t used to it, it creates doubt and second guessing. The dreams could very well be symbolic of conflicting thoughts and feelings. If you have a therapist, I recommend discussing this with them. Otherwise, write about the things that come to your mind when you remember these dreams. Give your feelings a voice. Your mind is trying to tell you something. Mostly, don’t worry and be patient. 🙂