i’ve been thinking about this post for a while now.
in my life, i have come to many conclusions, one of which is that i have will power, but only on some things. and it’s limited.
for example, most times, i can force myself to do my chores before i sit down and enjoy writing time or video games, or even make myself write before i do chores or video games… things of that nature. i am, admittedly, a procrastinator. i have a system, but things get done… eventually.
when it comes to food, however, it’s a little harder. when i know it’s somebody elses food (like a roommates), i can easily push it aside and let it go bad, because, hey, it’s not mine. but when it’s mine and the guys, or something i bought to share with everybody? and it just sits there, and sits there… barely being touched? i have a much more difficult time.
i can’t stand letting things go bad, i do not like to throw food away. part of it may be because when i was a kid i was starved, i don’t know (we’d been taken by dss several times for neglect and abuse before she finally left for good). maybe it’s because i’m greedy… but i doubt that. i try to give it the longest amount of time i can before i gobble it all up. a lot of it is because i like to eat, i like the taste of food and the warm, comforting feeling it gives me.
you know how most people have one or two certain things they identify as “comfort food”? well for me, all food is comfort food. don’t get carried away, i don’t particularly like liver, or anything like that!
it’s frustrating, especially seeing how unhappy i am with myself, with my body and with my semi-reluctance to exercise. some is attributed to the panic, because too much exercise brings on more panic, as does being out and about. however, i also know there are ways around that. for instance, just walking around the house at night, or walking up and down the driveway, back and forth to the mailbox…. my exercise bands.
so i feel lost, wondering where my motivation is, when i know i have the desire, and the will power. sometimes.
Leave a Reply